The Lost Art of Conversation, The Continuance

In my previous blog about this subject I shared about men and women in relationships but, not having the ability and or willingness to not only open a line of communication but maintain it. It's ironic how we understand how the concept of communication is very vital in just how about every facet of life, but when it comes to applying that in a personal setting the concept becomes obsolete. Why? In the first blog I eluded to the conditioning that both men and women deal with, but here I'm going to explore it further.

Let's start with the sistas. In this patriarchial society the attitude of treating women like second classs citizens is still prevasive in that there are alot of men who still think that unless a woman is telling them what they want to here, then what they have to say is not worth listening to. Combine that with the fact most of our women have been conditioned that when they talk to us we don't listen anyway. Then add the dynamics of how men are taught to talk to your lady about personal or intimate details is weak, it's not what man does.

So if we these obstacles are so prevalent within the minds and behaviors of most of us then how can we learn to communicate with each other? One of the things we have to learn to move past is the conditioning that took place during slavery where the man felt lost and hopeless because he could no longer protect his wife from rape, beatings and mistreatment, he turned his hate inside and then directed it towards her. So today, we have lack of trust, issues of fidelity, pre-conditioned thinking as some of the obstacles that prevent this line from being open.

I've often wondered that whatever it is that attracts us to each other, then the conversations that ensue, how come we don't build upon that? Evidently he and or she is saying something that the other finds interesting enough to hold their attention. One of the serious problems within that phase is the "Representative" The representative is the one that either party sends to engage the person to try and figure out whether this is for them or not. He/she is not the real them. They are the good and polished individual that they may aspire to be but the facade doesn't last long and when the real them shows up you're not sure who you are with.

Still, the dilemma remains the same. We all have experienced some very unfortunate experiences within the relationships realm that because we were battered we may have subconsciously hurt someone else without even realizing. It's getting to the point where relationships are not even sought. If we can get a little sumethin' every now and then, alot of us would prefer to be my ourselves. In Hill Harpers "The Conversation" I found an excerpt that kind of summed up our situation "We are growing jaded, cynical, tired, and world-weary before our time. We are expecting less and demanding less, and those lower expectations are making us unfulfilled and taking us farther from each other. The walls between us do not serve us. I would love to see women talking to and asking questions of men, and vice versa, to bring more clarity and peace to the way we deal with each other." (pg. xviii)