“I want a man who drives a Mercedes, makes six figures or more, and has good credit, his own house, and no baby mommas.”
Sadly, I’ve heard this statement come out of women’s mouths too many times and I shake my head each time I hear such foolery. Of course, you wonder why I consider that statement to be full of venom; I’ll explain. Where in that statement did you hear any question of the man’s spiritual base? How he would treat said woman in a relationship? Is he a nurturer? Will he come home at night? Can we have a decent conversation? Is he abusive? How will he treat my children? How does he treat his children? Can we build a real future together? In this blog posting, I will give my opinion on Love versus Money.
“I mean girl I know he has his side bi*ches, but look at my new Gucci purse and my brand new BMW, that was a small price to pay.”
I heard that one firsthand one day in the mall while in line making a purchase. Ladies why has your worth gone so low? I have several theories and they begin with the Willie Lynch letter. For those not in the know, the Willie Lynch letter was an alleged training given to slave masters in 1712. In this speech there were guidelines on how to break up Black families, pit dark complexion people against their lighter counterparts, and make the Black women not be able to depend on the Black man. These ideas were imbedded into our people YEARS ago and sadly, almost EVERY aspect of the Willie Lynch letter holds true in 2010. In regards to relationships, a lot of women have sacrificed morals and values for material benefit. Why is it more important for him to have a luxury car over intellect? How can the size of his bank account mean more than the size of his heart?
“Why didn’t you answer your phone?!?!?!?! That’s the same thing (insert ex boyfriends name here) did when he was out screwing other women!!!!! Are you f*cking someone else?!?!?! Who is she?!?!?!”
I heard this one in a past relationship and it blew my mind. Ladies and gentlemen, past baggage in relationships will kill your new relationships EVERYTIME!!!!! There is NO room for it. As Musiq Soulchild said in “Previous Cats”, “I’m not to blame for the pain that was caused by Previous Cats, you gotta see me for me.” It’s only fair and even though it’s hard to do at times, we have to let go of our past to allow our future to grow. Baggage leads me into my next topic of “How to get over Letdown”.
Black men we have systematically abused and let our women down. Yes, I said it. Between infidelity, not being the primary breadwinner, verbal and physical abuse, we have damaged our women and it’s up to us to elevate our queens back to their righteous place. STOP taking your women for granted. She should not be supporting you while you play Xbox all day. That is NOT a man’s role. You shouldn’t be laying up in her section 8 housing and selling drugs to make a living. That is NOT a man’s role. Her credit CANNOT be the only way that you can get a home, cell phone, car, credit card. That is NOT a man’s role. A man’s role in the home is to be a PROVIDER, a NURTERER, and most important a LEADER. Period. No excuses, justifications, or anything else. To the brothas who are out there doing those things, kudos to you, even though men who exemplify that example don’t do it for a pat on the back or accolades; they just do it because it’s second nature to them. To the brothas that are lacking, step your game up and immediately, because our women are turning to other races and even other women for our shortcomings. It’s sad when I can a beautiful sista say that she is no longer interested in dating black men because we always far short. We weren’t designed in that manner and we shouldn’t be disrespecting our ancestors with these kinds of actions.
Ladies, don’t think that you are off the hook because you aren’t. Stop counting how much money a man has and count how many books of substance he has read in the past month. Have realistic expectations. You don’t have a right to expect a man to be driving a new Mercedes and you have a 88 Nissan. Be for real. Material items will never take the place of a man that loves you unconditionally, cherishes you and the time you share, and material goods will not compare to that feeling of knowing you have a good man in your life who worships the ground you walk on. Also ladies, stop blaming us for what “he” did. Give us our own chance, without the baggage. Trust us until we give you a reason not to, don’t come in thinking the worst because the laws of attraction will give you exactly what you want.
To close, we have a lot of discussion and repair to do in our communities to change the vast levels of failure in Black relationships. Black men and women have shortcomings, baggage from past relationships, and poor examples of what relationships are supposed to look like. The media has portrayed us in a negative light for years outside of the “Huxtables” so we need to re-write our distorted history. Action is bigger than speech, so share this article, discuss it amongst your peers, but more importantly, make sure that you implement change in your personal life so the changes can spark changes for someone who sees what you are doing.
Sadly, I’ve heard this statement come out of women’s mouths too many times and I shake my head each time I hear such foolery. Of course, you wonder why I consider that statement to be full of venom; I’ll explain. Where in that statement did you hear any question of the man’s spiritual base? How he would treat said woman in a relationship? Is he a nurturer? Will he come home at night? Can we have a decent conversation? Is he abusive? How will he treat my children? How does he treat his children? Can we build a real future together? In this blog posting, I will give my opinion on Love versus Money.
“I mean girl I know he has his side bi*ches, but look at my new Gucci purse and my brand new BMW, that was a small price to pay.”
I heard that one firsthand one day in the mall while in line making a purchase. Ladies why has your worth gone so low? I have several theories and they begin with the Willie Lynch letter. For those not in the know, the Willie Lynch letter was an alleged training given to slave masters in 1712. In this speech there were guidelines on how to break up Black families, pit dark complexion people against their lighter counterparts, and make the Black women not be able to depend on the Black man. These ideas were imbedded into our people YEARS ago and sadly, almost EVERY aspect of the Willie Lynch letter holds true in 2010. In regards to relationships, a lot of women have sacrificed morals and values for material benefit. Why is it more important for him to have a luxury car over intellect? How can the size of his bank account mean more than the size of his heart?
“Why didn’t you answer your phone?!?!?!?! That’s the same thing (insert ex boyfriends name here) did when he was out screwing other women!!!!! Are you f*cking someone else?!?!?! Who is she?!?!?!”
I heard this one in a past relationship and it blew my mind. Ladies and gentlemen, past baggage in relationships will kill your new relationships EVERYTIME!!!!! There is NO room for it. As Musiq Soulchild said in “Previous Cats”, “I’m not to blame for the pain that was caused by Previous Cats, you gotta see me for me.” It’s only fair and even though it’s hard to do at times, we have to let go of our past to allow our future to grow. Baggage leads me into my next topic of “How to get over Letdown”.
Black men we have systematically abused and let our women down. Yes, I said it. Between infidelity, not being the primary breadwinner, verbal and physical abuse, we have damaged our women and it’s up to us to elevate our queens back to their righteous place. STOP taking your women for granted. She should not be supporting you while you play Xbox all day. That is NOT a man’s role. You shouldn’t be laying up in her section 8 housing and selling drugs to make a living. That is NOT a man’s role. Her credit CANNOT be the only way that you can get a home, cell phone, car, credit card. That is NOT a man’s role. A man’s role in the home is to be a PROVIDER, a NURTERER, and most important a LEADER. Period. No excuses, justifications, or anything else. To the brothas who are out there doing those things, kudos to you, even though men who exemplify that example don’t do it for a pat on the back or accolades; they just do it because it’s second nature to them. To the brothas that are lacking, step your game up and immediately, because our women are turning to other races and even other women for our shortcomings. It’s sad when I can a beautiful sista say that she is no longer interested in dating black men because we always far short. We weren’t designed in that manner and we shouldn’t be disrespecting our ancestors with these kinds of actions.
Ladies, don’t think that you are off the hook because you aren’t. Stop counting how much money a man has and count how many books of substance he has read in the past month. Have realistic expectations. You don’t have a right to expect a man to be driving a new Mercedes and you have a 88 Nissan. Be for real. Material items will never take the place of a man that loves you unconditionally, cherishes you and the time you share, and material goods will not compare to that feeling of knowing you have a good man in your life who worships the ground you walk on. Also ladies, stop blaming us for what “he” did. Give us our own chance, without the baggage. Trust us until we give you a reason not to, don’t come in thinking the worst because the laws of attraction will give you exactly what you want.
To close, we have a lot of discussion and repair to do in our communities to change the vast levels of failure in Black relationships. Black men and women have shortcomings, baggage from past relationships, and poor examples of what relationships are supposed to look like. The media has portrayed us in a negative light for years outside of the “Huxtables” so we need to re-write our distorted history. Action is bigger than speech, so share this article, discuss it amongst your peers, but more importantly, make sure that you implement change in your personal life so the changes can spark changes for someone who sees what you are doing.
Most assume these negative attitudes and behaviors in relationships because they're not aware of how they are affected by history and oppression. Thanks for sharing your experience and insight on this. Peace.
ReplyDeleteThis was a much needed post. The sickness needs to be traced before it can be erased. Thanks for sharing this akhi. @consciousskillz
ReplyDelete