Looking Over My Life—the Forecast Calls for Better Days
Serene Bridgett Hollingsworth
What happens when we look over our lives, realize we haven’t done or been our best in a particular area, and it appears it’s too late to make a difference, change, or have a positive impact? That is the question I’ve been wrestling with of late, and I must admit much angst has come with it. Is it too late for me? Have I blown it? Yesterday, I intentionally or accidentally hit replay, and I heard the words of my accuser—it’s a wrap, you’re done, she’s too old now, or it’s too late for that. Pause!
I think like many, I’ve moved through life doing what I believed was my best or wanting to believe it was my best. You know the best with what I had, with what was presented to me, or with what I’d created; but did I really give enough? Was it really my best?
Motherhood brought me to this question
I am not the first to seek an answer to these questions, and I am sure these queries loom overhead awaiting a timely response, as I prepare for my oldest daughter’s high school graduation on Tuesday. Like many parents, I wonder if she’s prepared for the life, which awaits her? I don’t know. Have I done enough to develop, nurture, and protect her? No. Have I prayed enough for her? No. Have I mirrored the life I would like her to live? No. Not always. As I sit here—still, listening to the hum of my small fan, which is neatly tucked in my North office window where it’s doing very little for the heat and humid air, I hear the distant thunder, and I am not certain I gave motherhood my best though I wanted it most. I’ve been quoted as saying, “Always becoming a mother, daughter, sister, and friend; and the most challenging of these: Mother.” Oh, how true so true for me.
From a young girl in grammar school I’ve wanted to be a mother. I knew I would have daughters, and I wanted them. I didn’t think much about what motherhood meant then. I just knew motherhood was what I aspired to. I thought of motherhood more than education. Was I strange? I didn’t read the motherhood job description or journal. I didn’t know how much motherhood paid. I certainly didn’t know the cost of motherhood. What I did know is I watched my mother and countless mothers make it look beautiful and effortless, but had I? The mothers I knew did it without complaint, but had I? This isn’t an article about motherhood, because the truth is my conundrum can apply to many areas in our lives—marriage, education, career, or relationships of any kind.
And so life comes with some: Disappointment
n. the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations. Maybe in your life it’s the career you missed out on? Maybe you never finished school, never got married and you’re still waiting on the love of your life? Perhaps you let the one get away, ended a friendship too suddenly, got in trouble with the law, didn’t take that trip, never had children, never wrote that book, didn’t start that business, didn’t make the phone call, divorced, gained too much weight, never healed the relationship with your children, got married, or maybe you just gave up on living? Yes, maybe you just opted out on life altogether. Like many existing today I too opted out. I was just…I was just existing. That certainly wasn’t my best. Perhaps you also saw living as highly overrated, difficult, unfair, and plagued with too many heartaches, hurdles, and failure. Yes, maybe like me you were disillusioned and disappointed, because things simply weren’t going your way?
The good news
When I think over my life decisions or doing my best, I know nothing I’ve done has taken away God’s love for me. My less than stellar moments actually drew me closer to him. The choices I’ve made have not removed his power to heal, restore, and transform my life, the lives of those I love, or touch on a daily basis. He is still God. Neither has he removed my ability to reconcile relationships, make better choices, open new doors, and live a better today than yesterday—my best life now! Yes, I said it. We can live a better today than we did yesterday regardless of the decisions we’ve made or how ineffective we were, and it only takes a moment from our lifetime to make the decision. We can release yesterday, make the necessary corrections, and live FREE of guilt, shame, fear, and condemnation, if we choose by receiving forgiveness and offering it to others.
It’s easy to look at yesterday using the power of hindsight, the helping thoughts, and comments from “friends” and family and get down on ourselves, “that wasn’t my best, all is lost, they don’t love me, or I am too old now.” It’s easy to turn on the programming of the enemy of our souls. But what is most powerful and advantageous for us is looking at this moment, our internal greatness, and resolve once and for all that the choices, places, and stations in our lives have all been carefully and strategically designed and allowed to bring us to this hour, and this season on our journey. We must believe that nothing not one single thing has escaped the eyes of our loving God. Not one decision I’ve made has caught God by surprise. Not one choice or lack luster performance can shake God and cause him to reexamine his love or thoughts toward us. Nothing I’ve done or haven’t done has nullified his promises to me or my family.
I am convinced not only is my daughter’s forecast bright, but also my own, and yours too. Maybe yesterday wasn’t our best look? That’s okay, because we can deny negative life events and poor choices access to our souls. This paradigm shift allows us to press forward even if we’re not at our best knowing God is directing and governing affairs we cannot see.
So the question I’ve been wrestling with has been answered. My angst has been removed. It is never too late not as long as I am breathing. His grace and tender mercies, they are sufficient for me on my worst days. They are enough for my daughter. They are enough for you. The forecast—it’s good. It’s my best look yet!
Serene Bridgett Hollingsworth is unapologetically black and Christian. She writes short stories and has many celebrity interviews to her credit; however her first loves are her beautiful daughter’s 18, 16, 15, and 11 followed by her inspirational writing. She is the former publisher and founder of Bahiyah Woman magazine, Bahiyah Affirmations, and Black Girlz magazine. This summer she introduces her highly anticipated blog SereneB at SereneB.com. Serene resides in Chicago with her daughter’s.
Serene Bridgett Hollingsworth
What happens when we look over our lives, realize we haven’t done or been our best in a particular area, and it appears it’s too late to make a difference, change, or have a positive impact? That is the question I’ve been wrestling with of late, and I must admit much angst has come with it. Is it too late for me? Have I blown it? Yesterday, I intentionally or accidentally hit replay, and I heard the words of my accuser—it’s a wrap, you’re done, she’s too old now, or it’s too late for that. Pause!
I think like many, I’ve moved through life doing what I believed was my best or wanting to believe it was my best. You know the best with what I had, with what was presented to me, or with what I’d created; but did I really give enough? Was it really my best?
Motherhood brought me to this question
I am not the first to seek an answer to these questions, and I am sure these queries loom overhead awaiting a timely response, as I prepare for my oldest daughter’s high school graduation on Tuesday. Like many parents, I wonder if she’s prepared for the life, which awaits her? I don’t know. Have I done enough to develop, nurture, and protect her? No. Have I prayed enough for her? No. Have I mirrored the life I would like her to live? No. Not always. As I sit here—still, listening to the hum of my small fan, which is neatly tucked in my North office window where it’s doing very little for the heat and humid air, I hear the distant thunder, and I am not certain I gave motherhood my best though I wanted it most. I’ve been quoted as saying, “Always becoming a mother, daughter, sister, and friend; and the most challenging of these: Mother.” Oh, how true so true for me.
From a young girl in grammar school I’ve wanted to be a mother. I knew I would have daughters, and I wanted them. I didn’t think much about what motherhood meant then. I just knew motherhood was what I aspired to. I thought of motherhood more than education. Was I strange? I didn’t read the motherhood job description or journal. I didn’t know how much motherhood paid. I certainly didn’t know the cost of motherhood. What I did know is I watched my mother and countless mothers make it look beautiful and effortless, but had I? The mothers I knew did it without complaint, but had I? This isn’t an article about motherhood, because the truth is my conundrum can apply to many areas in our lives—marriage, education, career, or relationships of any kind.
And so life comes with some: Disappointment
n. the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations. Maybe in your life it’s the career you missed out on? Maybe you never finished school, never got married and you’re still waiting on the love of your life? Perhaps you let the one get away, ended a friendship too suddenly, got in trouble with the law, didn’t take that trip, never had children, never wrote that book, didn’t start that business, didn’t make the phone call, divorced, gained too much weight, never healed the relationship with your children, got married, or maybe you just gave up on living? Yes, maybe you just opted out on life altogether. Like many existing today I too opted out. I was just…I was just existing. That certainly wasn’t my best. Perhaps you also saw living as highly overrated, difficult, unfair, and plagued with too many heartaches, hurdles, and failure. Yes, maybe like me you were disillusioned and disappointed, because things simply weren’t going your way?
The good news
When I think over my life decisions or doing my best, I know nothing I’ve done has taken away God’s love for me. My less than stellar moments actually drew me closer to him. The choices I’ve made have not removed his power to heal, restore, and transform my life, the lives of those I love, or touch on a daily basis. He is still God. Neither has he removed my ability to reconcile relationships, make better choices, open new doors, and live a better today than yesterday—my best life now! Yes, I said it. We can live a better today than we did yesterday regardless of the decisions we’ve made or how ineffective we were, and it only takes a moment from our lifetime to make the decision. We can release yesterday, make the necessary corrections, and live FREE of guilt, shame, fear, and condemnation, if we choose by receiving forgiveness and offering it to others.
It’s easy to look at yesterday using the power of hindsight, the helping thoughts, and comments from “friends” and family and get down on ourselves, “that wasn’t my best, all is lost, they don’t love me, or I am too old now.” It’s easy to turn on the programming of the enemy of our souls. But what is most powerful and advantageous for us is looking at this moment, our internal greatness, and resolve once and for all that the choices, places, and stations in our lives have all been carefully and strategically designed and allowed to bring us to this hour, and this season on our journey. We must believe that nothing not one single thing has escaped the eyes of our loving God. Not one decision I’ve made has caught God by surprise. Not one choice or lack luster performance can shake God and cause him to reexamine his love or thoughts toward us. Nothing I’ve done or haven’t done has nullified his promises to me or my family.
I am convinced not only is my daughter’s forecast bright, but also my own, and yours too. Maybe yesterday wasn’t our best look? That’s okay, because we can deny negative life events and poor choices access to our souls. This paradigm shift allows us to press forward even if we’re not at our best knowing God is directing and governing affairs we cannot see.
So the question I’ve been wrestling with has been answered. My angst has been removed. It is never too late not as long as I am breathing. His grace and tender mercies, they are sufficient for me on my worst days. They are enough for my daughter. They are enough for you. The forecast—it’s good. It’s my best look yet!
Serene Bridgett Hollingsworth is unapologetically black and Christian. She writes short stories and has many celebrity interviews to her credit; however her first loves are her beautiful daughter’s 18, 16, 15, and 11 followed by her inspirational writing. She is the former publisher and founder of Bahiyah Woman magazine, Bahiyah Affirmations, and Black Girlz magazine. This summer she introduces her highly anticipated blog SereneB at SereneB.com. Serene resides in Chicago with her daughter’s.
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