Guest Blog Week: Growth by @TheKiaXperience

I had time from May 1, 2009 until now to realize some of the choices I made with picking people in my cipher. I've had a couple people in my life who were friends of mine for over a decade, who I had to realize that they could'nt be in my life forever. Since they entered during a critical time in my life, I thought they were gonna stay around. Mind you, when we make choices like that, and love people, we don't always see the cons (and we all have done it a time or two). I've had a friend who always told people "I'm not a good friend!" and I sincerely thought they would never do anything wrong to me, because they never had for the 7 years we've been friends. WRONG!!! She wasn't even my friend. After that statement, I started paying attention to a lot of the signs I ignored over the years. When we stopped being friends this year, (after 12 years of friendship) I realized that she didn't value friendship and I didn't value myself and understand the depth of my loyalty to others. When I broke up with my fiance last year, I hurt, and she wanted me to stay down. Crazy right? When I was doing great, she was always negative, kinda like a slight jealousy.


I had to cut them both off, and it hurt. Ive known them both for over a decade, but it was necessary. It hurts in a whole other way when someone you felt, I mean REALLY felt was your friend, betrays you. It hurts to breathe, eat, almost everything. He was my fiance. She was my best friend. But you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. Besides, Ive been through a lot like everyone else, and as young as I am, I have a lot more to go through. A lot more pain, a lot more losses to take. Time heals all wounds, but its more of what you do during that time that counts the most internally.

So, after that phase was over, I had to study myself...mySELF!!!!! I had to dissect my mind, my soul and my emotions.I had to figure out why I selected those people in my life and why I gave so much of myself to them when I should've given it to mySELF. I realized that they both are different phases in their lives and I played a great part in that. I felt good about that, not wanting credit, I did it because I loved them. Through this journey, I learned that I was sabatoging myself all those years, being in one-sided friendships with people. Its like, most people have never had any level of loyalty, so they don't understand it enough to be in a loyal partnership. I notice how much I neglected myself emotionally for so long.

When my ex-bestie tried to resurface, she wanted to apologize. I forgave her, but from a distance, We can't be friends. She wanted to argue because her pride was hurt, thinking I was going to forgive like I did so many times. I couldn't even fuss with her because when you're arguing with a fool, make sure they aren't doing the same!!! Lol! I will not tolerate anyone's inability to structure change. It is each persons choice. I learned to stick with people that bring the absolute best in me. One thing I can say, I never was in the business of keeping those who didn't wanna be kept. Never was afraid of "goodbye".

So now, I'm in a better place. I am a woman now. I am learning myself. I'm always open to learning more about everything. Even though I've been through some stuff and carry some wisdom, I always remain teachable. I had to structure another and better method of happiness because I deserve it, and so does my baby girl. I enjoy making us happy and I never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if I have to leave them alone in order to do it!!